How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
