I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
