I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
