just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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