You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just saw a hot homeless man
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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