Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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