i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
God, you're like boner-b-gone
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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