There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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