Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I want a musical about memes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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