Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
