Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
