i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
