Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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