I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
