Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
