Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
