You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
