wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize