When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
