I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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