I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
