I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
