i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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