Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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