I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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