Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize