I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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