Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
