I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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