I think I died a long time ago.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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