I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
