New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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