One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
