Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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