You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
