I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
