3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
