Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
