I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
