For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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