I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
