He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
