but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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