Farmville is her only friend.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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