she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
