I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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