I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
well you can't waste a boner
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
