i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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