She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
