i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize