also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
