the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
