make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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