oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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