so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
