I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just want to make out with him forever
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
