I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
