I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
