I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
