Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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