Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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