I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
