At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
