Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
