Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
