my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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