Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
