he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
