the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
