I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
