Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
