At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
