you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
