K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
