Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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