after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Be still, my beating vagina.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
