does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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