The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
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