Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
