I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
