We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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