iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize