it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
