do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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