Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
