You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
