I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
